Sunday, December 16, 2007

Is by Scott Langston


Is

A novel about awakening

SCOTT LANGSTON

Prologue

A southern Cornish beach. Rocky. Sandy. Small children with bamboo fishing nets and bright, new plastic buckets inspect and torture crabs, shrimps and periwinkles: whatever they can find. It's too windy for the beach really. People are huddled behind their variously coloured, but uniformly garish windbreaks. Wind-broken. An optimistically raised beach umbrella - for the sun here, for the threatening rain there - now dances crazily along the shoreline. It is chased, not-chased, by a sunburnt man in his mid-twenties, self-consciously trying to run without seeming to run. The tide is out but turning. Seagulls populate the sand flats, mug-worming when the myriad children, oblivious to the wind, allow them a few seconds' peace. Now and then a lone gannet joins the feast, its black-tipped wings scattering its smaller rivals, but never for long.

In a semi-sheltered cove bobs a bright orange inflatable dinghy. Two boys climb in raucously and allow the larger waves to bail them out, again and again. The boat is tethered to a football-sized rock on the shore. They are no more than ten metres from the beach. A larger wave arrives, unexpectedly, for the boys are waving to someone on the beach, and tips out the smaller of the two, throwing him onto the rope. On the shore, a woman's smile and raised hand freeze. She sees the mooring rock slowly turn over at the pull on the rope and the thrice-wrapped rope unsnakes. The small boy resurfaces. His companion realises he is drifting. The small boy watches as the rope eels past him, not thinking to grasp it. The older boy, still in the boat, paddle-less, doesn't want to abandon his toy. He looks searchingly at the shore, 'What shall I do?' A man is sitting up, following the woman's stare, and now jumping quickly to his feet. He has seen in a shutter-flash what will happen. There is another man walking slowly past the boys, oblivious. The rope is at his feet. The first man wants to call out, but he cannot. He can only run. The little boat moves swiftly into the breaking waves. As the man reaches the small boy at the water's edge, they both see the dinghy overturn. The man starts to swim after it, but it has gone too far, too fast and it's empty now, although he can't see that.

The small boy doesn't move; tries even not to breathe. He has done something horribly wrong. Somewhere is the fear that he'll be in trouble for losing the boat, but he is unable to focus clearly on the idea. He hasn't realised yet, doesn't understand, the twist his life has just taken. He is vaguely aware of voices, panicking, screaming, but he doesn't hear them. He's already once removed from the scenes around him. He sees people running, jumping into the surf much further down the beach. He wonders why they are all moving so slowly. He feels calmer now too. All he can hear are the seagulls' cries and the rush of seawater on sand. The scene is monochrome, colour drained from it as from himself. He realises he is cold, but doesn't move. He doesn't know what to do next. He is not sure where he ends and the ocean around his feet begins.


Martin

Martin is sitting in his flat in South London. He is drinking a large gin; actually his third of the day, but he is not counting. He looks to be thinking as he gazes out across the city, but he is not thinking. Rather, more accurately, he is not consciously structuring his thoughts; he is their servant, not they his. This is not a desirable state of existence. Indeed, Martin's situation is not a desirable one. He has not had a good day…

Through the darkness and unfocussed fuzziness of half-slumber, it had taken Martin several seconds to recognise that the relentless ringing noise he could hear was of reality and not of his ebbing dream. After a couple of vague attempts to turn off the bedside alarm clock (those luminous red digitalised numbers staring wide-awake into his sleep-sodden eyes) he was sufficiently awake to realise that his telephone was ringing. The clock from Hell was declaring 4.17.

"Mr. Martin Gelan?" an unrecognised voice had inquired.

"Yes, speaking," he had clearly answered in his mind. "Uh," he had replied into the mouthpiece, as coherently as he was able. He woke. He listened without hearing.

That was just about all that Martin could recall of the telephone call earlier that day. The call, and his staring dumbly at the receiver in his hand once he'd heard the deafening click of the caller hanging up. Paralysed in both body and spirit, something within him took over, pushing him to move, one step at a time, to the bathroom where he vomited copiously. He next found himself dressed and being led from the flat to a waiting car. The news had failed to register; the numbness was already at work. Denial. Nothing was real. He was floating, a body-less spirit, unfeeling, unthinking.

Arriving at its destination, the car pulled to a halt next to a self-declaring 'Polite Notice' informing drivers that, if left here, their vehicles would be immobilised by a private wheel-clamping task force. Martin was oddly concerned about the now forsaken car's welfare, and kept turning to look at its forlornly flashing hazard lights, like an about-to-be abandoned dog's blinking eyes, as he was led up a wide flight of steps at the building's entrance.

Inside the building, he was assailed by artificial light and an incongruous sense of activity. Like a beehive. But one that served no purpose, Queen-less. He frowned to himself, an imperceptible shake of the head, wondering that these people could have things to do, things that they thought were important. As though things still mattered. How could they know? How could they even suspect how much of a game this all was? He felt a little sorry for them. Long corridors led to shorter ones. He was steered by kindly hands, fatherly and authoritative, through the maze, eventually to find himself a quiet and subtly lit room banked with large metal drawers on one side. A white-cloaked woman with an expressionless face opened one of the huge drawers, waiting for a nod of a head from somewhere unseen, before slowly pulling back a green sheet.

Martin had the curious sensation of being alone in the room with her. He felt calm: no rising bile, no fear or imminent collapse. He felt he was there and, at the same time, he wasn't. A serene calmness enveloped him. He felt above and beyond all that was going on around him, a voice somewhere within his depths telling him all was well and as it should be. He felt the vague beginnings of a feeling he couldn't identify, somewhere between contentment and acceptance, and, as if in admonition, a hand gently squeezed his left shoulder. It was a clumsy gesture of inquisition, attempting also to be reassuring, as though the touch of another person's fingers was the link that meant life continued on. He became gradually aware of the other people in the room and of a voice that seemed to be addressing him, like the memory of a recent dream swirling teasingly around the edges reality before succumbing to it. He nodded twice in answer to the inevitable question. He allowed himself, automaton-like, to be led out of the room. One foot in front of the other, then the next, then repeat. It was easy.

It was the coffee, remarkably, that Martin remembered most vividly a few hours later: the bitter, burnt plastic, uncoffee-like taste emanating from the polystyrene beaker he had been given after he was led from the room. "Can I call someone for you? Is there someone you'd like to talk to?" The offers hung in the air, uncomfortable, not comforting. Martin had looked briefly at the face which was addressing him, oblivious to its questions, a million words fighting for ascendancy in his head, none of them finding voice.

Sprawled on the living room sofa, telephone unplugged, stereo exceptionally muted, spirit cupboard as yet untouched and tears stubbornly refusing to come, Martin thought he might be going mad. He took what comfort he could from that notion.

Author's website: www.scottlangston.org

Buy the book online: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Scott-Langston/dp/1897312202/

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Finding Funboy by Matt Golec


FINDING FUNBOY

by Matt Golec

Chapter 1


Summer Bike-theft Season

Gets Underway in Portland

by August Frank III, staff writer

Greg Reynolds left his bike unattended for only a minute, but that was all it took.

"I had to return a book I'd bought for my wife's birthday. It's such a nice day, I didn't think about anyone stealing my bike," said Reynolds, 32, of Portland.

"My mistake," he said.

Like auto thefts, the number of bicycles reported stolen in the city of Portland has actually fallen in recent years, according to police statistics. But those statistics don't comfort riders who dust off their bikes after a long, Maine winter only to have them stolen.

"Thieves aren't stupid," said Maine Frame Bikes manager Andrea Wynne, commenting on the summer spike in bicycle thefts. "That's when the bikes come out."

--from The Portland Post, 7/17/99

The night JFK Jr.'s plane went down was a hot, sticky mess.

Not that I knew at the time. I mean, I knew it was hot and sticky the whole goddamn summer had been like that but I didn't find out about John-John until Saturday, the day after he died.

No, I'd worked late Friday at my night job and slept even later the next morning. The hot, humid air had hit me like a brick-in-a-blanket as soon as I sat up in bed, and I couldn't even bring myself to turn on CNN ("I figured you'd turn on CNN," my dad told me later) to hear the news. I brushed my teeth while thinking about going to my dad's gym at least they had air conditioning, and a lap pool but the sweat streaming out of my armpits told me I'd probably get enough exercise that day just breathing.


Instead, I wandered around the corner to the Eastern Promenade, a sprawling public lawn overlooking Casco Bay on Portland's old east end. From time to time, the wind stirred the thick soup of a day, dredging up a briny smell that was either low tide or the pair of lawn-mowing sneakers that I'd slipped on before leaving the house. Just to be safe, I kicked off my sneakers before settling down with two peaches and an onion bagel smothered in bacon-cheese spread.

Sitting in the shade of a thick red maple, I killed the next couple hours with The Boys of Summer it was simply too hot to read anything I hadn't read a thousand times before and then stumbled back home, where I found six messages on the answering machine and my pager chirping madly for my attention.

The first two messages were from my dad, who was standing in as weekend editor at the paper--the rest were hang-ups.

First message: "Gus, it's dad. Get up. Get out of bed. We need you in here. Call me when you get this message."

Second message: "Gus, pick up the phone. It's important. Call me immediately."

The phone rang again, but I ignored it while scrambling for the TV remote. CNN, MSNBC, even the Weather Channel had it JFK Jr.'s plane had disappeared last night off Martha's Vineyard while en route to a wedding. No bodies yet, but everyone was presuming the worst.

Standing barefoot in my living room, staring at the TV with a cold, bleeding glass of water pressed up against my chest that's how I learned he was dead and gone. I picked up the phone and told my dad I was on my way.

* * * *

A scant 14 hours later, it was home again, home again, jiggity-jig. With the lack of sleep and the fact that I wasn't supposed to work Saturdays, I had every right to be cranky walking home alone in the predawn morning. But as a reporter, you slog through school board meetings and church bazaars and a zillion weather features (Typical question: "It's been awfully hot/cold/windy/mild/wet/dry lately; how do you feel about that?") just so you can tackle big stories like this one.

It's all worth it. Sure the hours blow, and yes, everything you've heard about the pay is true, but once in a while you give people the information they need, either to understand an important event or to make their world a better place, and that's a privilege you can't buy unlike, say, leather-trim seats for a new BMW.

I've drawn attention to hotels trying to sneak up on public waterfront property, I helped a deaf telephone linemen with two years left until retirement keep his job, and once I made sure the undergrads at my school (University of Wisconsin at Madison, a.k.a. Mad City) got the birth control benefits they'd paid for with their student fees.

Plus you get your name in the paper, which chicks seem to dig.

JFK Jr.'s plane crash was probably the biggest news story I'd ever been involved in, even if The Portland Post (the Post-Record on Sundays, to remind readers that we'd swallowed the afternoon Maine Record about 15 years back) didn't exactly sit in the eye of the storm. Still, the Kennedys were like the Celtics or Red Sox all of New England claimed ownership, even if they lived a state line or two away. It was a real kick to feel like you were part of the main news of the day.

I barely saw my dad that night as managing editor running a weekend skeleton crew, he had his hands pretty full.

"Go speak with Marti," he said, his gray, ink-smudged shirtsleeves rolled up past his elbows. Despite the AC, the newsroom grew steamy in the depths of July. "She'll have something for you."

Marti Jacobs, the chain-smoking city editor whose sizzled gray hair looked like the butt end of a cigarette, had something and a half for me. Within ten minutes I was on the phone, chasing down single-engine pilots to find out why JFK Jr. shouldn't have flown when he did. I threw together a sidebar for the main story, and then took off on a twenty-incher exploring how local priests and pastors planned to make sense of this new Kennedy tragedy to their Sunday congregations.

I'd just filed my last story to Marti's computer basket and was feeling good despite the hectic pace (or maybe because of it the deadline pressure is half the fun) when a familiar hand clapped me on the shoulder.

"Gus, my boy," my dad said. "How'd you like to perform a great service for our readers?"

I groaned loud enough for them to hear me in Fenway's cheap seats; I knew what he wanted. After a hard day's work on my day off, no less I was being flipped over to the copy desk for a second shift.

The copy desk was a fun place to hang out, but I wouldn't want to work there not permanently, anyway. I liked checking over all the stories before they went in the next day's paper, I liked the laid-back attitude that belied the rolling page deadlines, and I loved the hours: 5 p.m. until 1 a.m. Could there be better summer schedule for a young man not quite out of college? One drawback outweighed all the benefits, however: I didn't like having to polish somebody else's stories. I'd much rather be out reporting my own.

So I dragged my feet a little as my father walked me over to the desk. "I've been working an awful lot this week," I said. "Aren't there, like, labor laws you have to follow?"

"You're an intern," he said, grinning wickedly despite his sagging eyes. "We could have you waxing our desks eighty hours a week if we decided that met our educational obligations."

Dad slipped me a twenty for food later, and I sat down with the rest of the desk, checking copy, writing headlines and shipping pages to beat the 1 a.m. press start.

* * * *

I meant to go home right after work, really I did I hadn't been kidding when I told dad I'd been working a lot but the guys teased me about being too young to go out with them for a few drinks. I had to show them my ID to prove that I'd turned 21 a few months ago, and then they didn't believe the ID was real so we had to go to a few bars to make sure I could get past the bouncers well, you get the picture.

I didn't drink the entire twenty dollars my father gave me, but I had more change than dollars in my pocket by the time it was all over. Mark Mason (who, after a few days of acquaintance, will casually ask you to call him 'Mace'), the photo intern who had given me a ride to work, passed out in some downtown apartment we'd ended up in and wouldn't wake up enough to tell any of us where he'd parked his car. Since the buses had stopped running hours ago and I couldn't afford a taxi, I decided to walk the mile or so home.

I bitched about it to the guys before leaving, but really I didn't mind. The air smelled salty and cool, which was reason enough after running laps through the hot, smoky confines of Portland's summer bar circuit. Hiking up Munjoy Hill toward the Eastern Prom and my house, I imagined I could just see an orangish hint of dawn out over Casco Bay.

I stopped at the newsbox on the corner of my street and looked for my name on the front page. It was there small, and attached to the sidebar instead of the main story but I'd made it above the fold, and that was always worth smiling about.

Satisfied, I cut across the neighbor's lawn toward our driveway, looking forward to a pleasant day's sleep, and nearly fell on my face tripping over a U-shaped bike lock, hiding like a snake in the damp grass.

My bike lock. Open. Unlocked. And not even remotely attached to my bicycle.

"Shit," was all I could think to say as I scanned the driveway for well, I don't know what was I looking for. Footprints? Tire tracks? A goddamn trail of breadcrumbs? None of them were there.

With a pit growing in my stomach, I opened the side door to the garage where I kept my bike. We never locked the garage door, because it seemed every time we did somebody smashed the windows to get at the old newspapers, mismatched lumber, broken lawn mowers and other junk my dad kept in there ("I only wish they'd carted away more of it," my mother told the police after a break-in).

I waded through the darkened garage until I found the three solid iron rings set into the cement floor that my dad, brother and I had installed so we'd have a place to lock our bikes. My dad's bike was probably with him at work; I assumed he wasn't coming home tonight. My brother had taken his with him to Boston, although as a general surgery resident I didn't know when he found the time to ride it.

All three rings stood empty. My bike was gone.

What a way to end the night. I was overtired, overworked, and now, at four in the morning, I'd just found out my only reliable source of transportation was gone. I threw the bike lock into a dark corner of the garage and listened to it smash against whatever crap my dad had stacked there. JFK Jr. was lost at sea, and I didn't feel so good myself.

I stormed outside and unlocked the door to our 'antique' house in Portland's Munjoy Hill neighborhood. "Three stories of house on a one-story lot," is how my dad described the tall, narrow home that we'd lived in since I'd been born.

With its views of the bay you had to lean a bit out the window, admittedly and location within striking distance of the Prom, our house was worth a bit of money. My parents had bought it for a song back in the '70s, during the fire sale that was Portland's real estate market. The economy had soured, and I guess Portland's future didn't look so bright that's what I've been told, anyway. Property used to be there for the taking, but like in so many other places, the economic growth in the '80s and '90s changed everything. Now I have friends who can't afford a shoebox to rent, let alone buy, in this town.

Not that we lived in an exclusive neighborhood. A few blocks away and out of sight of Casco Bay, the houses morphed into tightly-packed duplexes with pale blue aluminum siding, parking for Irish only signs taped in the windows, and brick sidewalks for front lawns. Italian mom-and-pop stores (where you can't buy a sub, grinder or hero for all the olive oil in Sicily here in Portland, we call them Italian sandwiches) kept the neighborhood in fresh pizza, cold milk and cheap beer. Over the years, Munjoy Hill has held on to its solid, working class roots, and the smart money bet against the scattered efforts at gentrification.

I grabbed Saturday's mail on the way inside and threw it down on the breakfast table. I was still pissed about my bike, and I hoped the distraction of sorting mail would give me time to cool off so I could get some sleep.

I picked through my parents' bills, dimly aware that after graduating next year, these same bills would be arriving with my name on them. I tossed the ad circulars, missing children postcards and a J-Crew catalog (I ordered a shirt from J-Crew four years ago, and since then, I'm sure I've burned through twice any profit they made on me in printing and postage costs) into the recycling. I kept the pizza delivery coupons and began to page through the latest issue of the New Yorker when I noticed a lumpy envelope that was hand addressed to me.

There wasn't a postmark, or even a stamp whatever it was, it had been delivered in person. I tore the envelope in half and dumped the contents the bike lock key I kept hidden in the garage, and the key to a car onto the breakfast table.

The envelope had no return address, and there was no note, but the handwriting was all Funboy.


Author Web site: www.mattgolec.com

Buy the book: www.booksforabuck.com/mystery/mys_07/finding_funboy.html or www.amazon.com/Finding-Funboy-Matt-Golec/dp/1602150575

Woman Submit by Jocelyn Andersen


Woman Submit!

Christians & Domestic Violence

By Jocelyn Andersen


Chapter 1

I Should Be Dead…

But I'm Not!

I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord….
The Holy Bible


My pastors and I had made the difficult decision not to hide the abuse from our church family any longer.

As a member of the Praise Team, I was accustomed to standing before the congregation, but this particular evening the bruises on my face made the public appearance a bit more difficult. Due to the unusual absence of my husband, the person responsible for the bruises and an associate pastor of our church, it was imperative that the issue be dealt with as quickly, delicately, and honestly as possible.

He was evading arrest. This was the second time in six months he had tried to kill me.

~~~

Friday, 8:30 a.m., August 29, 2003

In my distress, I called upon the Lord….

“Jesus won't help you!”

With those words ringing in my ears, John brought his loafer-encased foot crashing down onto my face. Then, as suddenly as the violence started--it stopped.

I sent up a silent prayer of thanks, saying, “Yes you did, because everything stopped.” It had not yet occurred to me that I was lying on my back, staring at the ceiling, in a different part of the room, and in a completely different position than I had been in just moments (or so I thought) before.

John was standing over me, pacing back and forth and ranting about letting me live--this time. It wasn't until he stopped, looked down at me, and said, “Oh my God, look at you,” that I realized the violence must have continued even after I cried out to Jesus for help. It also began to dawn on me that I could not raise myself up from the floor. I was not in any pain. I simply could not get up.

After John lifted me off the floor, I knew he must have injured me very badly. Besides not being able to focus my eyes clearly, close my mouth all the way, or sit or stand without assistance, I was afraid I was going into shock. Although it was August and very hot outside, I was freezing--shivering violently.

I asked him if he would take me to the emergency room. He said, “No, you'll call the police.” When I asked if I could call someone else to take me to the emergency room, he said, “No, either God will take care of you or he won't.”

It was obvious he was afraid he had fatally injured me, and I could see that my repeated requests for help were beginning to agitate him. I knew I had said all I could safely get away with, so from that point on, I asked for help only from God. I consigned myself to His care and began praying for rescue.

There was a telephone on the nightstand just next to the bed I was lying on, but I was too injured to reach for it. Unable to do the slightest thing for myself, a portion of the sermon our assistant pastor had preached just two days previously kept running and re-running through my mind. “The devil,” he said, “comes to steal, to kill and to destroy, but I have come…” Those words were like a lifeline to me. I repeated them over and over to myself and said to the Lord, “You came, Jesus. You came...”

But the circumstances seemed hopeless. I was injured, isolated, and completely helpless. I was at the mercy of a man who had just tried to kill me and was steadfastly refusing to allow me to receive help of any kind. He was more willing to allow me to die than to face possible arrest and conviction for assaulting me.

John's emotions appeared to be on a frightening roller coaster. His behavior was erratic and unpredictable. One moment he would appear to be calm and treat me very gently, the next, for no apparent reason, he would begin raging again--particularly against women he felt wanted to rule over men. At one point he spoke about having to leave the house and told me he would be forced to tie me up while he was gone. I absolutely knew if he ever did that he would feel he had no choice but to go ahead and finish me off. My position was precarious at best. Whenever I was forced to speak to him or answer his questions, I chose my words very carefully. I knew only the Holy Spirit could help me navigate the situation and keep me alive until help came.

It concerned me that I did not have a definite sense of the Lord's presence. I remember asking, “God, where are you?” He answered my question with a question of his own, “Do you feel this peace?”

Yes I did. And I knew that peace only came from one source--God. It was good to know I was not alone.

I had not looked in the mirror yet, so I did not know I had what the emergency room physician would later describe as “raccoon eyes,” a discoloration caused by bleeding from the eyes. I had not yet seen that my right jaw was grotesquely swollen, though it concerned me greatly that I could not close my mouth completely--I could not bring my teeth together. I felt certain I had a broken jaw. I was experiencing severe dizziness and equilibrium problems. I could not sit or stand without assistance; walking was completely out of the question. I was very nauseous. Each time John lifted me to a sitting position, I began retching violently. If he let go of me, I collapsed like a rag doll. I was having severe problems with my vision; I could not focus my eyes clearly on anything. And whenever I moved, even slightly, the vertical hold on the room would spin out of control. Within a short while, I also realized blood was seeping from both ears. The emergency room physician said most of my symptoms corresponded with those of a skull fracture, but besides a mild headache, the only real source of pain I experienced came from my right hand and arm which were fairly useless. That was my condition for about 20 hours.

Sometime during the early hours of the next morning I woke up and realized I felt different. I felt better.

I thought, “I think I can sit up,” and I sat up. I thought, “I think I can stand up,” and I stood up. I thought, “I think I can walk.” And I walked!

I knew that a supernatural healing from God had taken place while I slept.

This was an exciting development. The first thing that occurred to me, of course, was not to tell John. I reasoned that if he thought I was still helpless, he might relax his guard and I could get away from him. But instructions from the Holy Spirit came quickly and clearly--I was not to try and deceive him. It did not seem at all logical, but I knew I had heard from God. So, when daylight came, I confided to him that I had been able to get up by myself during the night. His answer was chilling. He said, “I know--I was awake.

My imprisonment continued, but in spite of my desperate circumstances, the peace of God guarded my heart. I was in a deep sleep most of the time. I awoke at some point during the second morning and found myself alone; of course, I headed straight for the telephone. But it wasn't there. John had removed all the phones from the house.

This was a big problem, because even though I could walk and the visual disturbances I had been experiencing were now gone, my balance was still extremely poor. I was still very weak, and I was too slow and unsteady on my feet to attempt leaving the house with no guarantee that anyone would be nearby to help.

We had a large fenced front yard that, in my condition, looked as large as a football field. I knew it would take me quite a while just to make it to the street (climbing the fence into the neighbor's yard was not a physical possibility), and if John came home before I cleared the yard, it would take no effort at all for him to drag me back inside. If that happened, I knew that I would not survive the consequences of trying to escape. I was confident the Spirit of the Lord was leading me not to try just yet.

When John returned, I asked, “Am I a prisoner?” He said, “No.” I was nervous about questioning him, but felt a boldness to go on. “Then why are all the phones gone?” He said he had removed them so I could not call the police. I promised him, before God, that if he would return the phones I would not call the police--and he did! Then he left again.

But now I had another problem. I had just made a vow before God that I would not call the police. I stared at the phone and mentally worked through my options--breaking my vow was not one of them.

I did not know how much time I had before John returned, and most people I knew lived at least twenty miles away. Simple things overwhelmed me. I could not remember telephone numbers, and John had taken my cell phone that had my frequently called numbers programmed in it. The phone book wasn't any help, because (besides my mother and my pastor) I could not think of anyone to call. I could not remember who I knew.

I picked up the cordless phone, looked at it, thought about it--then carefully replaced it.

I knew I was having a difficult time thinking clearly, but, again, I was confident God was leading. John returned after being gone only a short while and made a point of looking to see if the phone had been moved. It had not. I had returned it exactly as he left it. Then, after a few hours, he left again.

This time, with no hesitation, I picked up the phone and quickly dialed my pastor's cell phone number. God's timing is always perfect--my pastor and his wife “just happened” to be in my neighborhood--only blocks from my home. Within minutes I was safely on my way to the emergency room where X-rays and an MRI confirmed what I already knew: nothing was broken, and there was no internal bleeding--because God had already healed me of the most serious of the injuries that had been inflicted on me 32 hours earlier.

~~~

There is not a doubt in my mind that I should not be alive today to tell this story. I am convinced that, had it not been for the immediate and supernatural intervention of a great and mighty God, my life and death would already be a statistic.

I would either have mysteriously disappeared at the hands of my husband, or my family and friends would most certainly have found me--within a just few days, lying in my home--beaten to death. And every year on August 29th, they would celebrate a heartbreaking anniversary. For some, pilgrimages to my gravesite would be made with flowers and heavy hearts filled with remorse. Others would be tormented by memories of missed opportunities--guilt would gnaw at them for the miserable comforts they had offered in their frantic, but ineffectual, concern for my safety. They would wish with all their hearts they could take back unkind and condescending words and actions they now understood had only acted as wedges--alienating them from their beloved daughter, sister, mother or friend.

But what could they have done differently? What could my pastor, family or friends have said or done that could have helped me? What could I have done that could have helped me? And why couldn't I have done it sooner?

These questions must be answered. Lives depend on it. It is time to stop the useless rhetoric. Why doesn't she just leave? If she stays, she deserves what she gets… well if I were her….

Well we're not her!

To my everlasting shame, there was a time in my own life when I said the same hateful things. I knew that I would never tolerate abuse. My attitude towards the battered woman was more condescending than compassionate. Certainly she was an object of my pity, but more so of my contempt…until I unwillingly joined her ranks.

Then I experienced, first-hand, the terrible dynamics that bind a wife to an abusive husband.

If this book helps shed a little light into a very dark arena from the perspective of one who has been there but is there no longer--if it can help induce compassion where formerly there was little or none--perhaps save a life and give a happy ending to someone else's story, then it will have accomplished its purpose.

In this I am reminded of the story about a small boy walking along a beach that was littered with dying starfish. It seemed thousands of them had been washed ashore, but the little boy walked patiently among them picking them up and, one by one, throwing each back into the ocean where it belonged.

A gentleman approached the boy and asked why he bothered. How in the world, the man asked, did he think he could make a difference when there were simply too many to throw them all back?

In reply, the boy stooped down, picked up another starfish, tossed it into the waves, and said, “It makes a difference to this one.”

And that is all any of us can do--try and make a difference for this one--for the one who may be looking to us for help.

Being a support to a battered or abused woman is a frustrating experience at best and frightening at worst. She is often indecisive and cannot be counted on to keep her promises to get out, and stay out, of the line of fire. Her abuser holds tremendous emotional influence over her…and we do not. The temptation is great to throw up our hands and say, “I'm through with you! You deserve what you get! Let yourself be beaten to death if that's what you want!”

But do not do it.

We need to remember that we are merely inconvenienced--she is genuinely suffering and possibly in very real danger. Our friendship and support can make all the difference to an abused woman in the face of seemingly overwhelming circumstances. Our friendship and support can help make her existence a little more bearable, thereby giving her the strength she needs to make choices that, ultimately, may help to change her circumstances and possibly even save her life.

www.JocelynAndersen.com

www.WomanSubmit.com


Purchase online Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/Woman-Submit-Christians-Domestic-Violence/dp/0979429307/


Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Blog Tours - What Would You Like to Know

I'm doing a tele-seminar next week about blog tours and I would love input from you all.

There are many things to discuss about blog tours and I worked out some initial questions to get people thinking - they are:

Discover Ways to Promote Your Book on a Virtual Blog Tour to Gain Greater Visibility and Sales

  • What are the benefits of doing a blog tour?
  • Should you promote your book in a blog tour?
  • Should fiction and non fiction books be promoted differently in a blog tour?
  • Should you organize your own blog tour?
  • Why hire a publicist to organize your tour?
  • If you hire a publicist, will you still need to work on the tour?
  • Can you use a blog tour to promote anything besides books?
  • Is there a new option in book blog tours?

But, now I need to create a couple of handouts and I'd love your input. Is there any specific info about blog tours that any of you think would be most helpful? Some folks here have done tours, some have hosted touring authors and I bet some of you have thought about doing a tour. So, since many of the people here are authors, I figured it would be a great place to pose the question. What information would you suggest I offer in handouts? Thank you all for your thoughts. There will be plenty of blog tour info coming very soon .

Nikki Leigh

PS - The answer to the last question is - most definitely. Stay tuned for much more information about that option - SOON. Or, contact me to be added to the mailing list - nikki_leigh22939@yahoo.com with Mailing List in the subject line.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

The Immigrant's Daughter by Mary Terzian


The Immigrant's Daughter

by Mary Terzian

The book starts with a prologue that defines the issue and sets the stage for the memoirs.

-------------------------

“Where Do You Come From?”

Where do you come from?” asks the teacher of the adult class in Leopoldville, where I am registered for a course in Lingala.

I hesitate. It is a simple query that puts me in a quandary.

Should I state my origins, nationality, or citizenship?

“From my mother's womb,” I want to tell him in short but resist

the urge.

Nobody asked me that kind of question in Cairo where I grew up. We were a known minority. The usual question was “Are you Greek?” “Italian?” “Armenian?” or “What nationality are you?” if my name had not given it away already.

Now in Leopoldville, on an expatriate assignment with the United Nations, I stand out with my foreign accent, wavy hair, and possibly body language, gestures and all.

“From Egypt,” I mutter, to keep the conversation short. I wonder why he doesn't ask the same question of the other students in class - half a dozen from the United Nations, five from the Swiss Red Cross, and two businessmen.

“Egypt! C'est vrai?” he exclaims in French, “I thought they were all black!”

I feel uncomfortable in my skin but remain silent.

“Is your husband Egyptian, too?”

“I'm not married,” I blurt out, embarrassed to my core. At the ripe old age of thirty, I am shelved as an old maid, all hopes gone.

“I want to show you to my friend. He has never seen an Egyptian!”

My cheeks burn. Am I the first Egyptian in town, the discovery of the century or an antique from Pharaoh's tombs? Should I be put on display with a distinct label slapped at my feet?“Imported African.

Rare species. Handle with care.” How can I explain to my Congolese teacher that I am not a real specimen?

More than three thousand years of history define me as an Armenian, a descendant from the people living at the foot of Mount Ararat where Noah's Ark settled. The mountain was in Armenian territory for centuries. Politics moved it beyond the national boundaries and we became immigrants. How shall I explain that the DNA in my Armenian blood will survive forever, irrespective of the citizenship I have?

“I'm…I'm not a real Egyptian…” I mumble, trying to avert a misconception.

Thirteen pairs of eyes stare at me, as if I have just come out of ghost town. I look at them and shrink at the task ahead of me. How will I define in two sentences our family history? My parents are survivors of the waves of “ethnic cleansing” that swept the Ottoman Empire from
the 1890s through the 1920s. Under the pressure of reform, demanded by the foreign powers to improve the lot of minorities, the Ottoman Government “solved” the problem by reducing them in massive, harrowing, so- called “displacements” into the Arabian deserts of the Middle East. Thus, the “starving Armenians” came into existence - skeletal, homeless, wandering survivors seeking refuge wherever a country offered asylum. Thanks to this “solution,” half the nation now lives in countries around the world, constituting the Armenian Diaspora.

“Who remembers the Armenians?” exclaimed Adolph Hitler to his officers on the eve of his invasion to Poland. We, and the members of my parents' generation do, suffering in silence. The effects of genocide were present in my mother's glassy eyes and in my father's angry temper. It affected us all and will probably have its effect on a few more generations. We are the extra- uterine children of Motherland with different citizenships. Once transplanted, always a foreigner.

Migration is not our family business, nor is it a national pastime, but circumstances forced us abroad to create a safe haven elsewhere. I cannot explain all this in two sentences. Nobody will understand my dilemma.

“Not a real Egyptian? What do you mean? Where do your parents come from?” asks a man who eyes me curiously, taking over the queries from the teacher. The determination of my nationality takes precedence over Lingala.

“They come from Turkey.”

“Are you Turkish?”

“Certainly not.”

“Then what do you consider yourself?”

Good question. I have been a floater all my life, a thin cloud flirting with the sun, daring it rather to disperse me. How can I explain my ethnic longevity?

“Armenian,” I say, with a smirk. I know it will not register.

“Armenian? With an Egyptian passport?”

“It's complicated. I'll explain after class.”

The teacher takes over. We start the first lesson in Lingala. I sit there like a freak of nature. How did I end up here?

I am going through a period of adjustment in Leopoldville and an intense degree of cultural shock, coming from a conservative country. I am lost in this Babylon of United Nations. Last week I invited two compatriots from Egypt to lunch as a payback for their courtesy on my arrival. In this remote city of Leopoldville, one suddenly becomes friends with strangers holding similar passports. They treated me like kin. They advised me that life in Leo is built around entertainment, to escape boredom. So it was my turn. We walked home at noon, all three of us, from across the street, the United Nations headquarters, to find my meticulously prepared hot lunch in the refrigerator! I was indignant beyond control “Why didn't you cook it?” I hollered at M'bala, the houseboy.

“You say one o'clock!” M'bala shot back angrily, showing his index and grumbling in an incomprehensible language. My instructions were to cook for one hour.

I joined this class as a last ditch effort to communicate with him and other locals. Sometimes, in my ivory tower of despair, I question myself: is this the expatriate experience I dreamed about? Have I donethe right thing by changing the course of my destiny?

Living alone should not be a problem, I thought, before setting out on this journey. I lived in Alexandria on my own, about three hours away from home. Working with the United Nations was an honorable solution to leaving the parental roof. I didn't care for Father's iron rules but I missed my conversations with Berj, my younger brother. The older one, Kev, had epatriated to Armenia, fifteen years ago. He was only eighteen then. He hoped to find a better life in otherland and meet our Aunt Ebrouk there, Mama's much-talked-about sister, who epatriated from Lebanon. Was he looking for the same thing I was - a place to fit in?

Now it looked as if f I had left my identity behind and more than that. Old friendships, community presence, extended family, and a world of minor pleasures taken for granted, like a handshake, a nod of recognition, eye contact with an acquaintance, a smile from across the street, or a hug from a friend had disappeared. Did anybody miss me?

Was I already forgotten?

Perhaps I should not mention my origins at all, but then I don't want to mislead this man who wants to show me around as an Egyptian. I know some of my new classmates will corner me with more questions by the end of class. I am not mistaken.

“That's interesting,” says Walter, the Swiss gentleman sitting to my left, engaging me in conversation as class disperses. He is intent on finding out who I am. Fair hair, blue eyes, five foot eight in height, strong muscular build, he is attractive enough to shake my soul. “How can you be Armenian when you're Egyptian?”

“Have you heard of Armenians?” I ask.

“Yes, vaguely. I really don't know who they are.”

“Armenia is in Asia Minor, right below the Caucasus, but we live all over the world.” While I wait for the information to gel, I add, to ease the process. “It's part of the Soviet Union, you know.”

An eerie silence hangs in the air for a moment:

“Are you a communist?”

“No, for heaven's sake.”

“I still don't understand. What's Armenia like?”

“I don't know. I never lived there.”

“Then where did you grow up?”

“In Cairo.”

“How was it growing up in Cairo?”

“We had pharaohs for teachers and rode camels to school.”

Walter's hearty laughter eases my tensions. I can't imagine that working for good grades, fighting with siblings, rebelling against parents, and waiting for a knight in shining armor is any different elsewhere. Am I mistaken? For the first time in my life, I feel like a hybrid, not knowing exactly what the Motherland looks like, what our original traditions are and what superimposed customs have seeped into our culture. This class teaches me more than Lingala - the need to redefine myself.

One of the independent businessmen has heard our conversation.

“Did you say Rumanian? I didn't really catch it,” he butts in.

“No, Armenian.”

Good Lord! With such titans as politician Anastase Mikoyan, composer Aram Khatchatourian, and writer William Saroyan, Armenians should have carved a page in history, but they haven't.

Raised eyebrows size me up. I realize that if I make a wrong move now all other Armenians around the globe will be judged by my behavior. I may not be a chip off the old block. In fact, I may even be the black sheep of my community, but, to the uninitiated, I am now the single specimen that represents the mass.

This “where do you come?” scenario repeats itself all during my vagaries, from the Congo through travels in Europe, through my transfer to Togo to my attempted stay in the Lebanon, and to my permanent residence in the United States.

As an immigrant, I am the suspicious new strain of virus wherever I settle. The immunization system of the local community produces antibodies to arrest the spread of invasive elements of my type. Landlords look for the transient in me. Educational institutions detect an accent and frown upon certificates earned abroad. They devise elaborate schemes to deny me college entrance, but they don't know how stubborn and persistent this strain of virus can be.

Employment agencies shrug off my international experience as they give me an obscure slot. To preserve dignity, I hoist my ethnic pride… and pray. Will I ever be accepted as an integral part of the local community where I will feel comfortable in my skin?

“Why can't you give up being Armenian?” Caroline, a roommate in my migrant life, asks. Like my classmates in the Congo she is puzzled.

“How can I?” I reply. “My forefathers were massacred for their Christian faith and identity. I can't betray them.”

I wonder if she understands what it is like. Can one expect pears from a transplanted apple tree? Heritage runs in my DNA. It squats in my womb. I need to keep language and ethnicity intact in order to keep the communication lines open with my extended family and between the generations strewn across the world.

“My best friend never invites me to her Armenian Club,” a colleague complains. “She's so clannish!”

“She's doing you a favor,” I offer, “do you blame her?”

“How's that? I find it rude.”

“Wouldn't you feel left out in a community where everybody speaks his ethnic language, down to the dialect? Most know each other anyway.”

“I never thought of that.”

Should I mention that we treat the seventh generation still as family? That nobody is once or twice removed? That our theory of relativity is more complex than Einstein's?

Where does all this leave me? Like all children born in the Diaspora I persist on foreign soil by standing close to the local ethnic oasis, the expatriate Motherland, where I feel safe and secure in being me, while making forays into the local culture. We cajole our parents, but keep pace with the world. We end up living a double life, externally the law-abiding citizen, internally the conservative traditionalist. No wonder the question “Where do you come from?” follows me from the Congo to California, where I have lived longer than in Egypt.

This book defines my roots and perhaps will help promote awareness of the problems of many immigrants like me who, for various reasons - ethnic clean sing, political dissidence, unfamiliar religious practice, or, simply, lust for the unknown - travel the world insearch of a haven where they keep their splintered souls together.

The Immigrants' Daughter

Website address: www.maryterzian.com

Link to book: http://booklocker.com/books/2382.html


Mystick Moon by Terry L White


Mystick Moon

by

Terry L. White

ONE

Rebecca could not sleep. She stared out the small porthole beside her bunk and wondered about the strangely forbidding place that would soon be her new home.

The moon shone brightly on the waters of Bloody Cove. The town, betrayed by the twinkling of one small lantern, seemed distant and closed under the baleful glare of Sachem's Head, the promontory that guarded the harbor.

These strange names, falling from the sailor's lips as they grunted at capstan and line, sent shivers of apprehension down Rebecca's spine. She was glad the disembarking of the Endeavor's passengers had been delayed until morning. As uncomfortable as her berth was in this tiny cabin beneath the ship's deck, it had become a kind of home. She closed her eyes against the reflection of moonlight across the choppy water and tried to make sense of her short and eventful life.

At ten, Rebecca often had to think very carefully before she could understand the odd things grownups did and the reasons they did them.

When Rebecca's mother told her they were to sail to the colonies to start a new life, she had been uncertain of all that might entail. Certainly her own life had seen enough beginnings and endings in the past two years.

First of all, her father died and everything about her world had changed. Gone were the dancing lessons, the tutor, the new dresses of shiny silk and subtle velvet Rebecca had always taken for granted. Gone, as well, was the gracious and elegant home of her birth, exchanged a few months after her father's burial for a small apartment in a part of London so run-down and seedy her mother did not dare to let her walk about in the fresh air for fear the Rebecca would come to some dire, nameless harm.

Rebecca's first new home had been three small rooms; a kitchen with a smokey hearth, a parlor as cold as a tomb in the winter season in which they moved house, and the narrow, dark bedroom Rebecca shared with her mother.

Not that Rebecca had minded sharing a bed so very much. She had never liked sleeping alone in the nursery of their other, grander home. Still, her whole life had become so very different.

The flat Elizabeth had taken in her newfound poverty was somehow friendlier than the stylish townhouse where all too often Rebecca's childhood dreams had been plagued with scenes of red destruction, peopled the pale, ethereal faces of her family. Not that she hadn't dreamed in the flat surrounded by muffled voices and strange thuds and crashings of her neighbor's daily life, but the dreams had been mundane, colored by the shades of generations of hopeless striving of the previous occupants of their dank and chilly rooms.

Rebecca had once, before everything changed and in a waking dream, seen her pretty cousin Molly fall down a flight of stairs and lie, still and white, at the foot. There had been an awful look of shocked stillness on Molly's familiar face. Rebecca had run at once to tell her mother about her strange vision.

Elizabeth had pooh-poohed the idea -- and her daughter's oddly disturbing vision -- until a message edged in black told of the fatal fall of her own dear sister's youngest daughter.

Molly, a winsome child of peach and cream beauty, pride of the family, had tripped and fallen on the stair. Her neck was broken in the accident. Death had been instantaneous.

Elizabeth, dainty feet propped on a petit point hassock, had crumpled the evil missive and stared at her fey daughter with something like horror in her eyes.

"How did you know?" Elizabeth's voice had been irritable, heavy with grief. "How did you know Molly would die?"

"I dreamed it, Mama." Rebecca could only whisper.

Rebecca didn't like that sort of dream, especially when it concerned people she loved. But they still came, whether she wanted them or not, whether she was sleeping or not. Her vision of a cousin's untimely demise had not been the last she had seen in her young and strife-torn life.

Rebecca had been so disturbed by the odd distance in her mother's voice the day Cousin Molly died the dreams had stayed away for a while, perhaps held at bay by the terrible fear and guilt Rebecca carried over her cousin's accidental death. But in time they came back, as dream monsters always do.

She had, one dreadful morning between sleep and waking, seen her own dear father lying upon the pavement of a narrow, darkened street, his head in a black, viscus pool of blood, his pockets turned out white against the darkness of his fine woolen suit, his face ashen and still.

Rebecca did not recognize the squalid alley in which her father lay, but the staring of eyes of death were no stranger to this child.

She had been frightened to tears upon waking fully and had cried incessantly until Nanny had taken her to Elizabeth. It took much cuddling and petting before Rebecca relaxed and told her mother about this new dream that had frightened her so.

Elizabeth, unwilling to believe her daughter might have been given another prophetic dream, especially one foretelling such a dire end for the true love of her life, shivered and sent Rebecca up for her morning lessons.

Try to concentrate as she might, Rebecca had not been able to erase the aching image of her father's dead face. Her book brought no comfort or distraction. She was hardly surprised an hour later she heard her mother's scream of outraged shock.

A pair of constables, as alike as twins in dark uniforms hardly brightened by their official brass buckles and buttons, had come to tell Elizabeth of the robber who had accosted her husband as he made his early morning way to work through the poor section of town that lay near his foundry.

"The perpetrator had not contented himself with gold. Or perhaps Mister had put up a fight. In any case, very sorry, Mum, to bring you this shocking bit of news."

"How did you know?" Elizabeth sobbed, and looked at Rebecca with something like horror when the constables had retreated to their headquarters and official papers. "Only a monster could see such a horrible, horrible thing."

Rebecca, frightened by the harsh note of fear in her mother's voice, had hidden her head in her hands. There wasn't a doubt in her mind at that moment that her strange visions the cause of all the sorrow in her mother's life.

***

And then there had been the funeral, and the removal; after endless tedious discussions with lawyers and creditors, during which Elizabeth had listened in stony silence and accepted the fact her prosperity had quite dissolved with her husband's death while her guilt-ridden daughter had hidden in corners, willing her father back to life.

Rebecca's Papa was dead, she knew she was the cause. She had to be. The pictures in her mind always came when she was happy, and then everything went black and someone she loved was dead. Somehow, deep inside, Rebecca knew if she could no longer see the visions, the terrible events they depicted would end as well.

And so, with all the fire in her small body, Rebecca told the dreams to go away.

They did for a while, but sometimes they would return in the night and she would wrestle with images of death and blood until she could struggle toward wakefulness, sickened by premonitions she could neither control nor understand.

Tonight on the Endeavor Rebecca had no dreams or visions, but rather a vague dread for the new life that would come, whether she willed it or not. If anyone had asked, she could not have said why.

The cove in which the Endeavor lay anchored seemed peaceful enough, but why would a beautiful harbor such as the one she had glimpsed through the dwindling twilight be daubed with the name of blood?

"Bloody Cove," she whispered and cries of unspeakable pain and torture ran beneath her consciousness, linking Rebecca to an event she somehow understood had passed some years before.

Dancing figures, some in familiar European garb, others clad in feathers, furs, and beads, dipped and swayed in a macabre dance of scarlet death. The moon glittered on the waters of Bloody Cove and suddenly Rebecca knew without knowing this was a memory of the past and not a future event she saw.

She sighed in relief. If she had been cursed with a dream of her future, who knows what she would have done, for Rebecca had been uneasy about their journey to the colonies ever since she had been told she was to go.

Every time she thought about her new home in New England Rebecca felt a pang of fear invade her consciousness. Mystick Town, although her stepfather had spoken highly of the place, did not feel as if it were going to be a good place to live.

The wolves were what worried her most.

Mr. Stark, Mama's new husband, Rebecca's new father, had mentioned the wolves a hundred times as they prepared for their odyssey to the new world.

"The beasts are a plague. So bad," he said, passing his sadistic hearsay for wisdom with a nod of his oblong Saturnine head. "Folks dare not leave the safety of their homes without arms, and have taken to cutting enormous slabs of stone to guard new graves to protect the bodies of their dead..."

Rebecca did not have to work very hard to imagine wolves; great dog-like beasts with gleaming golden eyes and teeth like glistening ivory knives. They whined at the doors of her imagination, ready to devour her if she did not acknowledge their very real threat. Their tails thumped the ground as they drooled and waited...

Now the Endeavor lay outside Mystick Town the wolves seemed very near and dangerous. Rebecca shivered and huddled more deeply into her blanket which smelled of sickness and the bodily humors of a tedious and uneasy voyage. Her skin itched, from being weeks unwashed, from the small vermin that infested the thin straw mattress upon which she rested.

Her hair had been combed and plaited afresh daily, but it was greasy from being long unwashed, and her clothing was frayed and threadbare from continuous wear.

Rebecca was unused to being neglected in the past, which had grown dimmer and more distant with every passing moment. Until she'd met Master Stark, Elizabeth had always put her child's needs first.

Rebecca knew her mother had not understood she would not have her trunks close at hand throughout the voyage. Their luggage had been stored in a deep hold, forbidden to the Endeavor's passengers. In time Elizabeth had given up trying for permission to go below to find clean clothing for her family.The undershift Rebecca slept in was the one she'd worn the day they'd embarked upon this journey into the unknown.

Never in her life had she felt so unclean, or so alone.

Her mother breathed softly on the bunk below, her body anchored by the heavy limbs of her new husband, Graham Stark. Rebecca shrank from the thought of her stepfather's hard, unkind hands touching her gentle mother's skin. He touched Rebecca often as well, pinching and slapping her for every small transgression.

In a reaction as unconscious as it was primitive, Rebecca hated the thought of Mr. Stark's hands and lips claiming the breasts that were once hers alone She winced each time the man passed a proprietary hand across Elizabeth's bosom when he thought no one was looking.

Rebecca did not like Mr. Stark, but she thought he was well named. Mr. Stark had thin eyebrows and lips, and his ears hugged his long head to near invisibility. His voice rang often with the Puritan's "thee's" and "thou's," but Rebecca soon came to understand Master Stark did not mean these words in the humble and neighborly spirit of their fellow travelers.

They were, she knew, a means to his own somewhat nebulous ends.

Mr. Stark meant to become a wealthy man in the New World. In the privacy of their tiny cabin he made no bones about having no real religious reason for joining the colony.

Of course, Stark possessed a mask, the one that made his presence acceptable to his fellow pilgrims, but it fell away when he and Elizabeth were alone in their cabin, one dearly purchased luxury that separated the Stark family from the religious dissenters who made up most of the rest of the Endeavor's passengers who suffered a much less pleasant passage in the ship's damp, stinking hold.

Rebecca stirred, tossed on the creaking narrow bunk.

"Does the brat never sleep?" her stepfather hissed to Elizabeth Hunter Stark. He knew the chit lay awake nights, listening to them when they whispered under the covers.

Elizabeth stirred wearily and drew herself to the furthermost reaches of the narrow bunk which was all the bed she had known since embarking on this dreadful journey.

"Surely she sleeps," she murmured, wishing her husband did not rest so closely and warmly by her side. "Rebecca is a good child, if she is too aware for her years." Elizabeth excused her daughter mildly.

Stark's hand stole between her thighs, fumbled with the moistness at their joining. Elizabeth released a breath, half moan of resistance, half sigh of resignation, and allowed her husband his dubious pleasure in silence. Mating with Stark had not been what she'd imagined during their courtship when her prospective husband had offered her a release from her poverty and sudden chastity.

Elizabeth's first marriage had been for love and the sexual congress involved had been of a higher order, a release to spirit for both parties, not the sticky, pounding coupling of Mr. Stark's preference. She had not been prepared for the icy meetings of a loveless marriage, had not yet accustomed herself to the utter lack of feeling that accompanied her joinings with Stark.

Still, as she had so often told her daughter, Elizabeth had entered into the marriage willingly, hoping for distraction from the constant grief that nearly disabled her after her beloved Raymond died. She had wed, and now crossed the ocean together with a stranger to find a new life. Learning too late she did not love her new husband, Elizabeth also knew her promise of faith until death would not be a lie.

She was bound to her new husband by a thousand ties, the newest, more frightening and imposing than any that had come to this point in her life.

She was pregnant with Graham Stark's child.

Her courses had not come with the moon's passing, but Elizabeth had not forsaken her aversion to her husband's embrace now the threat of pregnancy far away from home and medical attention no longer loomed as formless danger. Her new child, conceived in apathy, would occupy Elizabeth's body and then her days.

There were times she thought her life would be better when it was born.

Elizabeth sighed remembering how, when Rebecca was conceived, Raymond had laughingly chided her for her lusty conjugal behavior... How surprised they had both been to learn pregnancy had released her from fear of her own sexuality. It had been a wonderful time, those months she had carried her daughter, wonderful even, after Rebecca was born, but life was Stark was different, harder, despite his endless promises. Elizabeth felt nothing but disgust and dread as he labored noisily over her swelling body.

Rebecca heard, but did not fully understand, these thoughts of loss and resentment above her mother's soft moans of resistance. Were these thoughts her fault as well? If her mother had been childless, would Elizabeth then have not had a better chance to make an amiable match with a man more suited to her sensibilities than the judgmental and forbidding Mr. Stark?

Rebecca did not know, but she wondered....

The moon slowly sank into the cove as the mists of morning enveloped the Endeavor in gray and clinging shrouds. The sounds of men's voices, of children whimpering to wakefulness, brought Rebecca to the happy awareness that soon she might soon quit her hard, verminous bed and be carried to the shores of Mystick Town itself.

She still did not think it would be a happy place to live.

***

"Hoy, there! Women and children in the first boat." Captain Tully's red face rivaled the sunrise as he paced the deck, supervising the unloading of his troublesome freight. Of course, the pilgrim's passage money made his outward journey worthwhile -- as would the return trip, on which the Endeavor would be laden with vast quantities of the finest virgin timber, a cargo that would line his pockets richly when he sold it at the Liverpool yards.

Rebecca made herself small and clung to her mother's skirts, avoiding a forest of limbs encased in threadbare and smelly breeches and skirts as their fellow travelers pushed forward to be in the first boats. They did not manage to secure a place in the first, or the fifth boat ashore. A full score of Captain Tully's human cargo found their land legs before the Stark women were able to claim places in the longboats that plied back and forth between the ship and the shore.

There seemed to be quite a commotion across the narrow band of water that separated them from the land. People from Mystick Town came running, shouting greetings, and in some cases, flinging themselves into the arms of loved ones with whom they had been separated by the endless Atlantic. Yelps of welcome carried across the water and a light breeze sprang up, carrying the scent of wood smoke, an aroma so much like land and home Rebecca felt tears of an unreasonable joy springing to her eyes.

At last she sat in the longboat, her hand shielding her eyes from the glare of the sun spangling the dancing water. Of the whole of her journey, this part seemed the nicest. The confinement of the tiny ship's cabin, the smells of bodies in the most intimate of functions, the lingering taste of salted meat and rock-hard ship's biscuit were washed from her palate and nostrils as the boat's keel scraped the pebbled shore and friendly hands reached to help her and her mother to the impossible stability of solid ground.

Rebecca swayed. Her legs were so used to the pitching of the Endeavor's deck she could hardly keep her balance on the hard-packed sands of Mystick Town's windswept beach. She turned to the west, following the scent of burning pine, and saw the town.

Mystick Town had assumed heroic proportions as Rebecca's imagination had furnished it with gracious houses. She had, as well, peopled the settlement with gentlefolk who were kind and loving to all who entered the place.

Her imagination had been flawed.

Where were the neat white clapboard cottages of her stepfather's dream? Rebecca saw crude shacks built of un-barked logs, their roofs thatched with sea grass or crude shakes. Cat- and-clay chimneys clung to the sides of these impossible dwellings, lazily wafting bouquets of charring meat and simmering puddings.

"I'm so hungry," famished, but Rebecca did not dare to trouble her mother with her body's demands. Elizabeth seemed pale and weak, hardly able to stand, although it did not seem her mother's debility stemmed from not yet having found her land legs.

Looking closely, Rebecca saw Elizabeth's customary colors, the body of light she, and indeed, all people seemed to carry with them, had taken on a subtle difference. The area around Elizabeth's midsection, normally a muted sunset of color, now glared an angry red and orange. Rebecca did not know what was the matter with her mother. The strange colors of Elizabeth's aura worried her for reasons she could not understand.

They stood on the chilly, windswept shore as the remainder of the Endeavor's female and child passengers were ferried to dry land.

A new wave of boats contained the men, Graham Stark standing boldly in the first, eagerly taking in the lay of his new homeland. Once ashore, his face glowed with excitement and anticipation as he strode to the spot where his wife and step-daughter waited.

"Someone will bring our trunks along presently," he said and began to walk briskly toward the settlement. "Come on." His voice was impatient, harsh with his haste. "The Underhills will be wondering why we have taken so long to greet them."

By some mysterious communication not understood by Rebecca, Mr. Stark had arranged for temporary accomodations with a family named Underhill who had agreed to provide the Starks with food and shelter until he could arrange to build or buy a dwelling of their own.

Rebecca could see their hosts in her mind's eye. The Underhills were plain people who would greet them with kind and polite phrases of welcome, but their colors were gray with fatigue and stress. The hunger in their eyes belied their soft words of greeting and welcome.

What kind of life awaited her in this harsh place? Why was everyone so sad and hopeless? Rebecca thought she could have looked ahead, but the thought of seeing the future in this hostile land was too much for her to bear.

"Woman!" Stark's voice was cold, his colors dark blue, hard brown. "Make the child move."

Rebecca did not like Mr. Stark to look at her.

Nor did she wish to attract his anger. She picked up the bundle of belongings she had released to the earth to ease her fingers of its cutting cord, and looked at her mother. Elizabeth seemed exhausted so she picked up her larger bundle as well. Rebecca could hardly walk under the burden, but her mother's smile gave her strength. The relief she saw on Elizabeth's face made Rebecca proud she was large and strong enough to carry some of the burdens that had worn Elizabeth Stark to this distressful state of near helplessness.

"We'll feel better, I expect, with a hot meal and a wash," she encouraged, suddenly feeling she was the mother and Elizabeth the child.

Elizabeth smiled down at her and said nothing at all.

They hurried after Mr. Stark and Thomas Underhill, a sturdy dark man above average height, who had come to fetch them to his house, each afraid in her own way of the life they were about to begin.

Elizabeth walked slowly behind her daughter, her body burdened by the new life she carried, although it was too soon for the unborn child to make its presence known by the largeness of her waist, and by an exhaustion brought about by a faulty diet and the monotonous sameness of their endless voyage. Luckily, their walk was not long.

"They've come, wife." Thomas Underhill had left the Starks to walk at their own pace and hurried ahead to tell his wife of the ship's arrival. He stomped into the kitchen dropping mud from his crude hand-pegged shoes on the hearthrug. "I'll wager our guests will be hungry. Have you enough food?"

Patience Underhill, her face flushed angry red from her proximity to the fireplace, gingerly pushed the crane back over the flames with her stirring spoon of hand-carved hickory. She laughed uncertainly. Hadn't she and Thomas planned and saved out to make this welcoming meal for their guests?

"I do, husband. But do you suppose the Starks will enjoy our homely fare? I am sure they were used to much better in London."

"Thee does not yet understand, wife. We are lucky to have enough to share. Like or not, what we have to offer is what they'll get."

Thomas Underhill, having taken a good look at the travel-battered passengers of the Endeavor was brought to the memory of their own arrival some years before.

No warm hearth fire and hot food had welcomed the Underhill's own frightening arrival. Instead, they had slept shivering under the autumn moon and scavenged the area for food to put by while constructing crude shelters to see them through a winter that had no specified shape or ending.

Many of the first settlers had not survived that first cold season. Thomas and Patience had, their relief in the spring sun blighted by the loss of their child, a little girl.

Long wed, long accustomed to reading one another's mood, neither spoke for a time. Thomas went to the doorway to see why his house guests lagged so in their arrival.

Patience moved to stand behind him and watched their visitors as they toiled up the last rise to their cabin. She thought the man, Stark, walked with an arrogance not often seen in Mystick Town, but then, the gentleman Stark was fresh from the streets of London.

With a cheering thought she smiled. "How good it will be to have news of home."

Thomas had walked like that when they first arrived on the shores of Mystick Town.

The woman, Mistress Stark, followed her husband slowly, her gait unsteady. She seemed the picture of fatigue and hopelessness.

Patience felt a pang of pity for her female guest. She would always remember how tired she'd been when she had first set foot in this new and untried world.

Then she noticed, following the seaworn adults, joy, a little girl, burdened heavily, trudging the uneven path with the sun shining on her auburn curls.

"Oh," Patience breathed. Her daughter Respect had had hair of the exact shade of Rebecca's. "They have a child."

Her hand flew to her mouth to hide the pain she could not conceal.

Tom Underhill grunted and turned to go inside the cabin and carefully hung his musket on the pegs over a mantle of native oak. His shirt, of coarse homespun linen, a fabric just beginning to be produced in the colony, had dropped sleeves and a drawstring around the neck. It was not entirely white, would not be, until Patience could once again put her wash out to dry and bleach in the sun. For now, and even on this eventful day when company would arrive, articles of damp clothing were hung from a slatted rack near the ceiling. A rope, attached to the far wall of the crowded room, served to raise and lower the contraption.Thomas smoothed his hair, which was shoulder length, and tied back with a bit of cord. "Thee is happy about a stranger's child?" he asked, knowing his wife far better than she suspected.

"I do miss Respect, husband. The little one has her hair." Patience's voice grew hard with grief. "Our guests are nearly at the door. Come stand by me, husband. We must greet our Master and Mistress Stark with good cheer so they know they are truly welcome in this new place."

Graham Stark received the Underhill's welcome with a stingy, ungracious smile. "Good of thee to take us in," he grimaced and stared with distaste at the meanness of the Underhill's home, which was one of the most spacious and graciously appointed in the entire town, having the luxuries of a split-log floor and one window with four small glass panes.

Without invitation, Stark dropped directly onto a stool fashioned from a slab of wood with three long pegs set in for legs. He looked up expectantly as if waiting for his hosts to honor him with further evidence of their hospitality.

Patience Underhill smiled uncertainly. "We are honored to have you in our house, Master Stark, Mistress."

Stark made no reply.

Elizabeth followed her husband into the room, but did not sit down at once as he had so impolitely done. She stood uncertainly near the hearth, warming her hands, chafing them against one another as if waiting for some sort of instruction. She was so very tired.

"Come, Mistress, sit," Patience urged, remembering how utterly weary she had been when she had arrived on the shores of the New World. "I have no tea, but the savages hereabouts drink mixtures of native plants that are both pleasing and palatable. A hot drink, and Thee will feel better in no time. This mixture is made of a flower called dandelion, with which you are no doubt familiar, and the berries of an odd bush called sumac, which fruit is very tart and strengthening. The brew is sour, but there is honey with which to sweeten it."

Her chatter of domesticities eased Elizabeth's tension. She soon sat beside her husband, sipping a wooden cup of Patience's strange, but comforting tea. She looked around for her daughter.Rebecca, having had no instructions as to what she should do next, lingered by the door.

"Beck?" Elizabeth sounded so exhausted. "Come make your greetings. I fear our hosts will find your manners lacking."

Rebecca, uncertain of where to put their belongings in the crowded Underhill kitchen, carried them with her to the table and looked at her mother.

Elizabeth nodded for her to put the bundles down.

Rebecca did as she was told and, clasping her hands behind her back, inclined her head as she had been taught. In a weak and wavering voice she told the Underhills that she was happy and thankful to share their home and hospitality.

Patience could not help thinking what a good and pretty child Rebecca was. She reached for the weary little girl and folded her into a warm, lengthy embrace.

"You forget yourself, Goodwife," Tom growled although he knew how desperately Patience missed and loved the daughter she had lost two years before. What good would it do for her to become attached to this little one? Stark would remove her removed from their home soon enough.

Patience released Rebecca reluctantly and stepped quickly to the hearth. Her face was blazing, but perhaps Tom would not notice. It was often red from the heat of her cookfire. But, oh, it had felt good to hold a little girl again. Tears of grief, or joy, she did not know which, spilled unbidden, and she batted at them fiercely, intent on not crying in front of her guests. A savage poke at a shouldering log spewed smoke into the room, masking the emotions she could neither deny or conceal.

"Thee must be famished," she said after a moment. Her voice trembled slightly. "We will soon take nourishment." With that, Patience wiped the tears from her eyes and began to scoop a soft, yellow mush onto wooden trenchers. When each person at their board had his own serving her husband offered thanks.

"Oh, most gracious and glorious God," Thomas prayed. "Bless this food we are about to eat and extend your blessings unto all our days..."

Tom Underhill's prayer went on for some time as he discussed the arrival of the Endeavor and the state of trade with his Deity. "Amen," he said at last, oblivious of the fact their food no longer steamed appetizingly.

"What is this dish?" Elizabeth asked pleasantly after shooting a warning glance at her Rebecca. The look on her daughter's face said she found the gruel sour and gritty.

"Maize porridge. Some call it corn," Tom Underhill shrugged. "It is a grain we have learned to grow from the savages here. Corn thrives in these soils and is most nourishing. We have grown little wheat and fewer oats this year and so such white flours are scarce. Perhaps the next crop will be better. In the meantime we must do with the native corn which is pounded into meal and made into this pudding for nearly every meal." Underhill eyed his own trencher with distaste, having long tired of the novelty of corn.

He turned his attention to Graham Stark. "Would you believe they manure their fields with dead fish?" Bred of farming stock, Thomas Underhill had found this fact most fascinating upon his arrival in Mystick Town.

Stark came to life, his eyes bright as he took in Tom's description of the agriculture of the area. "Of course, we fish a lot, and the fish called cod especially are abundant outside the cove. We dry a lot of them," he gestured overhead to a second rack that stank with hanks of blackened fillets. "Cod fishing, and our lumbering operations, constitute what passes for industry in Mystick Town.

"The Blakes, over by the cove, have a ropewalk and deal in ship's stores, but Blake married a Dutchwoman. He doesn't mix much except for business. No one has a lot of time for much beside farming and cutting wood," Underhill sighed. "Survival takes a lot of our time and energy."

He looked at Elizabeth Stark who grew pale at this bitter evaluation of the economy of the new world in which she was newly arrived. "Begging your pardon, Mistress. Life here is hard. You're fortunate you didn't to Mystick Town here a few years back with the first of us.

"A good many folks died of plain hunger, but that's about done with now. We make do, and while it ain't white bread and milk-fed veal, we get enough to eat. Go on, there's more if you want it." His eyes took in Elizabeth's plate, the half-eaten mess she had been pushing about, the gaunt, scarecrow bones of her face.

Rebecca forced herself to chew and swallow, to keep her eyes on her plate, to not bother the grown-ups. Mr. Underhill was kind, as was his wife. Their colors were flat and faded, but in no way threatening. She saw no reason to fear them and was glad their first night in the new world would be spent under the Underhill's hospitable, if crowded roof.

"Your trunks should be here soon," Tom Underhill spoke to Graham Stark. "I expect these females will want to be alone to do whatever they do about them. I seem to recall a lot of dither about washing and such when Patience and I first set foot ashore. When the men bring them up, I'll show Thee about, Master Stark."I believe you will agree we have made great progress in building our town, despite the Indian trouble a few years back..."

"Indian trouble?" Graham Stark's auric colors were rimmed with a sickly mustard hue. He had heard much of savages in the New World. Much of what he had heard had not been good.

"Pequots," Underhill shook his head. "Killed a bunch of settlers for no reason at all. We don't hold with that kind of thing normally, but they was so contentious, we had to kill them off. Wouldn't do to have dangerous animals like that around a place a man's going to make his home and raise his children. I'll never forget the day..., why the creek above the house ran red with their blood...."

Rebecca reeled as the impressions of battle she had received on board the Endeavor crowded upon her. The warlike images seemed stronger now she was in closer proximity to the scene of the carnage. She shuddered and drooped over her empty bowl.

"The little one's exhausted," Patience crooned, longed to take Rebecca in her arms, to soothe her as she once had her beloved Regret. "Thee's frightened her with your immoderate talk, Thomas."

"The child may as well learn early this world is hard and dangerous, wife." Underhill reached for his sober, untrimmed coat and motioned for Stark to do likewise.

"I have an idea the women would like to be alone," he said tactfully, gaining a look of gratitude from his wife. "I propose a walk through the settlement. Your new neighbors are eager to make your acquaintance."